Writers Dream

I have known and still know some very strong people in my life.  One of my friends from when I lived in Utah had a particularly tough life.  His mom had him when she was only 16 years old, needless to say she was not ready to have a child...He never knew his birth father but from a very young age his mother had a boyfriend who he had grown to know as his father.  One day he unexpectedly died of liver failure and his mom was left only once again with a 13 year old boy.  She then proceeded to date another guy who was bad news from the beginning and once again she was pregnant.  She now has a 17 year old boy and a 2 year old baby boy and no father in the picture.  My friend, the 17 year old, has not only taken care of his mother all these years he also takes care of his new baby brother as well.  I hardly ever, if ever hear him complain about his life.  He may just be the strongest person I know.  I could have never gone through what he went through and turned out the way he did. 

I already don't talk very much if I were to completely stop talking like Maya Angelou did I think people may start ignoring me and even yelling at me at me to respond to them.  I know that if I was talking to someone and they were not responding I would get a bit fustrated.  I think  I used to talk too little but I don't think I do anymore.  When I first moved here I was very quiet, hardly ever spoke unless spoken to.  But after my first year of High School going by so fast I decided I needed to open up more and become more outgoing if I wanted to get anything out of high school.   I became more open and started talking a lot more.  I became more friendly to say the least and I made more friends. I'm still not a very outgoing person but by speaking more and coming out of my comfort zone I'm no longer a shy person. I still listen more than I speak, but by speaking more I have come to know more people and build more friendships.

I'm the kind of person who remembers a lot! I remember a lot of details of a lot of places or events.  I like to remember a lot.  I enjoy writing about what I remember.  I mostly remember what I felt at the time and I describe that, or what I saw or smelt.... I feel like when tramatic things happen in my life my senses go into a hyperactive state.  I notice things I wouldn't normally notice.  The way the air smelt or the color of the objects around me or the feeling of the pavement on my feet.  I find it funny how certain smells or objects remind you of a certain memory, one that you may or may not want to remember.  I remember one specific time when I was at my church camp in Utah. It was the first day and I was a counselor, it was the last week I was spending in Utah and after that week I was moving to Missouri, right when camp ended we were heading out.  I was walking with my best friend at the time Sara, and we saw my mom walking in our direction.  When she got closer I could see that her eyes were red, she had been crying.  At that moment I knew something was wrong.  I could suddenly feel, see, hear, taste everything I couldn't before.  After she had told me my uncle had died of a heart attack in his sleep I could instantly feel my legs weaken and my heart skip a beat.  Everytime I think of this moment I can smell campfire and freshly cut grass and feel the gravel underneath my feet, but most of all I can feel that awful sinking feeling in my chest.  Sometimes I enjoy having a good memory but other times I really don't.  I get it from my dad.  He has a partial photographic memory.  I wasn't lucky enough to get that trait but I did get the ability to remember things so clearly I could recreate the moment in my mind.

I occupy my small mind by doing a number of things... When I need to write I normally focus on my fingers typing on the keys, or when I look at the small details in the computer keys or I focus on the letters I'm typing.  When I need to get something done and I don't want to do it right then I normally get onto my phone and do a number of things to distract me.  I get on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, anything that takes up my time so I don't have to do the one thing I'm supposed to be doing.